Ask a Ninja
by corendel
Summary: Harry Potter has just defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort, and all the reporters want to know just how he did it!


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please don't sue. 

"Mr. Potter, we here at the Daily Prophet are questioning just how you defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"Well, Ms. Lewis, please, call him Voldemort. He's dead for good now, and he can't hear you."

"Yes, well, how did you defeat … Voldemort … and furthermore, after your amazing victory, some of your childhood adventures finally reached the knowledge of the public. We just have to know, how did you rescue the Philosopher's Stone? And furthermore, we have received information that at the tender age of twelve, you went into the horrifying Chamber of Secrets and defeated Salazar's monster in order to save a young girl. We don't know who that young damsel was, but how did you defeat Slytherin's horrible beast?"

"Well, first of all, I suppose it all goes back to when the killing curse reflected when I was a baby. I know you're a muggleborn, so you've probably watched enough muggle movies and seen enough of their culture to know about ninjas?"

"Wait a minute, you mean ninja as in 'dark assassin of the night' ninja? Where are you going with this?"

"Yes, well, the ninja training grounds that developed in Japan were originally religious centers of worship. They worshipped what they thought to be a god, and they named their religion, 'ninjitsu.' Now, this god they worshipped was actually a magical creature."

"So our entire world today is influenced by this creature. Why are there no records of it at the Ministry? And how do you know about its existence?"

"Well, the reason there are no records is that this particular magical creature went extinct millennia ago. There were never many written records of it in the first place because they were very solitary creatures; they were rarely ever seen. In fact, the only records that I know of exist in the Room of Requirements, at Hogwarts."

"But how does this relate to you defeating You-Kno … Vol … Voldemort?"

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there. Anyways, what most people don't know about me is I'm an avid lawbreaker. No, don't panic, I haven't gone on murderous rampages, but I do have an unregistered animagus form. Now, a common misconception is that it is impossible to take on the form of a magical animagus. After all, the only recorded individual to ever be able to transform into a magical creature is Merlin, and his form was a dragon."

"Wait a minute, Mr. Potter. Are you implying you are a magical animagus? Are you comparing yourself to Merlin?"

"No, of course not. Merlin was incredible powerful magically and would make me look like a first year. After all, I'm fresh out of Hogwarts, I don't even know how to turn myself invisible yet without my Cloak. However, I believe that when the killing curse reflected and gave me this accursed scar it altered my magic in such a way to allow me to sustain a magical creature for my animagus form."

"And if I'm connecting all your subtle hints correctly, your animagus form is that of this Ninja?"

"Correct. Most people, when they go through the process of learning the animagus transformation, meditate or use mild hallucination potions until they can connect with the inner animal living inside them. That, by the way, is why each animagus has a unique form. You can't choose your form its an expression of yourself. But I'm getting sidetracked. Sometime at the beginning of my seventh year, I had this growing pain in my chest. At first I was worried it was a health problem, but when Madam Pomphrey, the school nurse at Hogwarts, couldn't find anything wrong with me, I scoured the library looking for an explanation to this pain."

"And what was that, Mr. Potter?"

"Unlike regular forms, magical forms don't stick around waiting for their host to release them. My ninja wanted out. Over the course of a few months, with the help of many hallucination potions (I am horrible at all the mind arts, I couldn't even fathom how to begin to meditate), I found my form, and then trained myself in it till I was confident I could take anything that came my way."

"Can you show us this form Mr. Potter? Can we get a picture for the paper?"

"Sorry, Ms. Lewis. I think I'll be keeping that information to myself for a while. Besides, who even knows if your camera would register the image, I am a ninja after all. Master of disguise, invisible and all that."

"Fine. But this form then, this is what allowed you to defeat the Dark Lord? It's incredible! But what about your previous adventures, before you discovered it?"

"Well, as far as I can assume, my ninja wanted survive to the point where I could harness it, so I figure it somehow kept me alive during those scrapes. But no matter, I'm still alive today, and that's all that matters."

"What about the remaining Death Eaters Mr. Potter. Will you assist the ministry in hunting them down?"

"Well, Ms. Lewis. Like I said earlier, I'm a ninja…" And with that statement, Harry Potter vanished in a cloud of smoke. Seconds later, after the smoke dissipated, what was found was a pile of Death Eaters, bound, gagged, and unconscious.

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AN: I've watched to many Ask a Ninja videos over the last year and this idea just popped into my mind. I finally got around to writing it, and while it isn't that long, I do think its worthy of a laugh, maybe even two?


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